When I first sat down with Dominick to interview Stuart Wood, neuroscientist and author of Escaping the Void: How to Support Victims Out of Emotionally Abusive Relationships, I thought I knew what to expect. I’ve been a victim advocate for years. I’ve sat with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, and I’ve seen the way emotional abuse erodes someone from the inside out. But there was something about this conversation—something about tying narcissism not just to relationships, but to culture at large—that resonated with me on a personal and professional level.
Stuart came to the topic of narcissism the way so many of us do—not through clinical theory at first, but through experience. He supported a friend through four years of leaving and healing after an abusive narcissistic marriage. And from there, he wrote a book that demystifies the confusing behaviors and manipulations so often minimized or dismissed, even by victims themselves.
Why Narcissism Hits Home
I come to conversations like this wearing many hats: as a writer who believes in the power of story, as a co-host of Language of the Soul where we explore the narratives shaping our lives, as a counseling student training in existential and narrative therapy, and as a victim advocate who has seen first-hand how power dynamics devastate lives.
When Stuart talked about how narcissists erode a person’s sense of reality through gaslighting, I immediately thought of my own clients and even people I’ve known personally. Gaslighting, for those unfamiliar, is when someone denies your lived experience so repeatedly and so forcefully that you start to doubt your own perception of reality. In counseling, I’ve seen how this leads to trauma responses like hypervigilance and dissociation. From a polyvagal perspective, it pushes people into chronic states of fight, flight, or shutdown. From a narrative perspective, it rewrites the victim’s life story into one where they are the problem.
Cultural Narcissism and Why It Matters
One of the most powerful moments in our conversation was when Stuart named narcissism as not just an individual issue, but a cultural one. We see it in politics, in social media, and in how we reward image over substance. As Dominick pointed out during the interview, we’ve created a world where external validation—status, beauty, likes, and followers—is valued more than intrinsic worth.
This hit me personally. I remember, early in my life, tying my self-worth to my achievements. Straight A’s, leadership roles, and later, professional recognition—it all fed into an external locus of control. If someone had told me I was lovable simply because I existed, I don’t know if I would have believed them. That’s what narcissism feeds on: people who’ve been conditioned to seek love through doing rather than being.
In existential counseling, we talk about authenticity—finding meaning by facing life honestly and showing up as our whole selves, not the version others expect. Narcissism is the opposite of that. It’s a mask, as Stuart said—a mask so convincing that even intelligent, grounded people get pulled into the orbit of someone who will love-bomb them one moment and devalue them the next.
The Empath-Narcissist Dynamic
We also talked about why empaths often end up with narcissists. It’s an uncomfortable truth. Empaths, with their deep capacity to feel and care for others, often have weak boundaries. Narcissists, on the other hand, have no boundaries at all. It’s a lock-and-key dynamic: one gives endlessly, the other takes endlessly.
As someone who has done sandtray sessions with clients, I’ve seen this dynamic visually played out. A client will place a figure representing themselves in a corner of the tray, small and isolated, while a large dominating figure looms over the rest of the space. It’s a powerful metaphor for how relationships can shrink someone’s identity until they feel like a shadow of themselves.
How Do We Heal and Protect Ourselves?
Stuart’s advice is simple but profound: trust your gut. If someone is rushing intimacy, showering you with extravagant praise or gifts, or making you feel “off,” step back. That “off” feeling is your nervous system noticing what your mind can’t yet articulate.
From a counseling standpoint, I’d add this: healing from narcissistic abuse means reclaiming your narrative. Who are you without the narcissist’s story about you? It also means building resilience—something I work with through somatic and polyvagal techniques, helping people reconnect to their bodies, establish safety, and rebuild trust in their own inner knowing.
For me personally, this conversation was a reminder of why I do what I do. I’ve been in relationships where my intuition whispered that something wasn’t right, and I ignored it. I’ve also had to confront my own people-pleasing tendencies—the part of me that wanted to believe someone’s best intentions, even when their behavior said otherwise. The work of healing isn’t just about spotting narcissists “out there.” It’s about looking within and strengthening our own boundaries, values, and self-worth.
A Final Thought
If you take nothing else from this episode, take this: you are not crazy. If you feel like you’re losing yourself in a relationship, pay attention. If you feel drained instead of supported, something is wrong. And if someone repeatedly denies your reality, trust yourself—not their version of you.
Stuart’s book, Escaping the Void, is a powerful resource for anyone trying to understand narcissism—whether in their personal life, workplace, or the world at large. And for me, this episode was a call to continue weaving mental health, story, and advocacy together because the narratives we accept—about ourselves and others—shape everything.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here: Language of the Soul Podcast
